Too many nights spent spilling innermost thoughts out

Line after line

Translucent blood shot eyes

Till neatly scribbled notions become angry jotted down emotions

Always about love, about ruination

But aren’t they the same…

The silk ribbons of your voice wrap themselves around me leaving marks of you across hearts and wrists with colors of oil decent
mirroring used paintbrushes and water colored paper cups
holding blue and black puddles
I’m bruised
Colors of yellow that never fade over used skin…
Use me
tell me lies and make promises to keep my thoughts sacred
Tell me that my sanity is safe with you
Let me hang my trust on every word you whisper out of lust
Take my dreams and use them against me
let me fall…
Into your webs of misleading maps to future scenarios discussed in the dead of night through waves between cordless phones…
Make my heart get on its knees and scream for you when you turn around
Leave your finger prints on my soul with your words so when you leave me it hurts…
Leave me
So I can let tears and cracks in my voice open up drawers I’ve slammed shut with the strength I gained from defending myself against… the other girl
Listen to my tales of being stuck in dark corners beneath fists
Fall for the legs that got back up and kept moving
the shoulders that never crumbled under all the weight they carried
the hand that the pen holds
letting flow poems the lengths of tales about how love never fails… 
Listen to my pleads for help through clenched teeth disguised as sentences laced with carelessness
Read my eyes like a book of philosophical quotes that I often let slip when I have sophisticated mood swings
See me how I see myself
a butterfly with eyes too unsightly to see her own wings
Appreciate my beautiful ugly
Catch every slip my tongue makes when words get stuck
Take my insecurities and dress them up in your sweaters as you listen to my excitement over literature…
Release me from the lines that I loose myself in when I go on my writing binges

you knew…
Every inch of my dark personality and unfavorable flaws
You knew that the fortress I built around myself only came down for you
You knew how to break me down
how to build me up and tap into my views on life and love
You watched me… As I drove myself crazy with thoughts of infidelity as you condoned your hypocrisy
leaving me alone with my own thoughts drowning in what if’s and maybe this,
and that can’t happen but what if it did’s
Take every piece of me I mistakenly gave you and leave me with nothing,
behind walls with no windows cradling my head in my hands as I crumble
into everything I hid away from you…
Please if you’re gona go, first make me hate you…

We used to have that selfish love, that, I wana love you because it feels good love. That, when I look at you my heart skips a beat, my body trembles to my feet, you bring me to my knees kind of love. We had that, my soul sees you kind of love - that, my heart beats for you, my lungs scream for you kind of love. That, all I can do is lay around and think of things I want to say to you, thoughts I want to convey to you, poems I want to write to you… but, It’s hard to put a thousand words into rhyming sentences and - lately it seems like you can tell how I’m feeling just by glances, butterflies erupted when you called my name, fluttering wings triggering goose bumps and smiles that could stretch for miles but, butterflies turned into a bubbling of anger and hate that caused voices to shake, with- words that came up through burning throats spat through clenched teeth, made bodies weak, caused eyes to flood, now we have that… I hate you love.

That, love that only exists out of fear of being alone, that, you are all I know kind of love, that, I take out the anger I have on you on everybody around me, you drain me kind of love, that, I’ve lost interest in everything else I love because you take all of my energy kind of love… that, I might break a few promises to save myself now that, selfish love because I’m protecting my heart now love,  you’ve lost me but the love I have for you will forever burn in the back of my throat when I say your name, seize my tongue when I speak of pain kind of love….

And just like that the butterflies came back, violently brushing against the inside of my chest looking for a way out of the rib cage where you’ve built your nest. The organ you’ve engraved your name on, my soul which you’ve made your claim on, and when you whisper your sweet words my whole body responds, every letter sending messages to brain cells causing hearts to swell, hairs to rise, lips to smile, it’s been a while…

Fingers mine can fit in.

Arms I can hide in.

A soul mine can collide with.